Health is in your hands - don't let the report card damage relationships
A parent blurting out, "Why did you only get this score?" can leave their child silent. Such scenes are not uncommon during the month of exam results; a simple report card can become a source of pressure in family relationships.
The pressure is not only borne by the child; students face competition and expectations, making them prone to insomnia due to anxiety, while parents can also develop worries from wanting their children to succeed. A good parent-child relationship can enhance confidence and emotional regulation; conversely, when both parties are in a tense emotional state, parent-child conflicts can easily escalate, weakening motivation to learn. When emotions run high, some parents may resort to hitting or scolding as a "quick fix" to problems, but many children who are scolded for long periods may become silent and withdrawn, leading to declining grades. University research has also indicated that corporal punishment can increase anxiety, aggressive behaviour, and learning difficulties, and can destroy trust between parents and children. It is evident that a child's temporary obedience can lead to long-term harm.
When parents face the pressure of discipline, rather than blaming, they might consider the following tips for reducing stress and providing support:
1. When feeling angry, first settle your emotions, such as briefly leaving the scene to avoid impulsive reactions;
2. Focus on your child's feelings rather than evaluations, such as asking, "What do you think is the hardest part?" instead of "Why is this so bad?";
3. Give a specific affirmation of your child's efforts every day, such as "I see you have been studying";
4. Set aside "no academic talk" time, reserving daily moments for chatting, walking, and other parent-child activities to allow both parties to relax;
5. Avoid comparisons with classmates or siblings;
6. Arrange for your child to have adequate rest, exercise, or simple deep breathing exercises to relieve stress.
There is inevitably pressure in parenting, but protecting children from physical and mental harm is also a non-negotiable bottom line. Hong Kong law also imposes criminal liability for abuse and neglect. When feeling exhausted, it may be helpful to give yourself a breather or seek help from professionals, while also reconnecting through parent-child activities. The St. James' Settlement Wan Chai Integrated Family Service Centre regularly organises diverse parent-child activities, allowing families to repair relationships and reduce stress in a relaxed environment. For details, please visit the centre's website at https://ifsc.sjs.org.hk/.
St. James' Settlement Wan Chai Integrated Family Service Centre
